Man vs animal who would win stoned is a question Fordee could not stop thinking about after scrolling Instagram high one evening. He came across a YouGov survey that asked 1,224 adult men and women which animals they thought they could beat in a fight — and the results were hilarious. Welcome to Dear Ganja Diary Episode 002, where we break down the data with 5 funny takes and settle the question of which animals can humans beat once and for all (while stoned).
What Is the YouGov Man vs Animal Survey?
The YouGov man vs animal survey polled approximately 1,224 adult men and women in 2021 asking a simple hypothetical: if you had to fight this animal, who do you think would win — you or the animal? No weapons, just a straight-up fight. The results range from reassuringly confident (rats, house cats) to delusional (grizzly bears, gorillas). Fordee found the survey through Instagram account Yup That Exists and immediately had thoughts.
Man vs Animal Fight Stoned Thoughts — Fordee’s 5 Funny Takes
Think of this as a stoned animal fight quiz in video form. Here are Fordee’s man vs animal fight stoned thoughts, working up the list from most beatable to absolutely-not-a-chance.
Take 1: Rat and House Cat — Confident Territory
The YouGov man vs animal survey found that 76% of men and 68% of women said they could beat a rat. For men, only 24% said no — and Fordee has thoughts about those 24%. “Ladies, if you’re with a dude who says he cannot take a rat, should you be with this dude?” Fair point. House cats came in at 74% of men and 64% of women saying win. A house cat can scratch you, but come on.
Take 2: Goose — More Dangerous Than You Think
Here is where the stoned animal fight quiz gets interesting. Geese have huge wingspans and genuinely bad attitudes. The survey showed 71% of men and 51% of women felt confident against a goose. Fordee’s strategy? Grab the neck. “Go in for the uppercut right in the titty.” The goose would lose. Probably.
Take 3: Dogs — Medium vs Large is a Big Difference
A medium-sized dog like a labrador? 60% of men said yes. A large dog like a pit bull, rottweiler, or doberman? Only 31% of men felt confident. Fordee actually shared a real tip from a self-defence course he once took: if a dog attacks you, sacrifice one arm as bait, let it bite, then grab it, jump on it with your full body weight and crush it. Survival tip delivered while high. Respect.
Take 4: Eagle, Cobra, and Chimpanzee — Getting Dicey
The man vs animal who would win stoned question gets harder here. An eagle’s talons are the size of fingers and its beak could bite through nuts. King cobras are nine feet long and one bite kills you. Only 23% of men felt confident against a cobra. Chimpanzees? 22% of men said they could win, but Fordee is not one of them. “I would try to talk to it. Negotiate. I’ll get him high, he’ll forget about everything, and I’ll go home and survive.” Sound strategy.
Take 5: Gorilla, Elephant, Lion, Grizzly Bear — Hard No
The bottom of the stoned animal fight quiz is a wall of extremely bad ideas. 9% of men said gorilla — no. Gorillas do jiu jitsu in the forest and swing from vines. An elephant will literally sit on you and you will die. A lion is the king of the jungle and does not negotiate. And a grizzly bear? The fewest number of people on the entire survey said they could take a grizzly — and those people are wrong. Fordee’s take: “Just because you saw The Revenant doesn’t mean you’ve been trained in bear tactics.”
Which Animals Can Humans Beat? Fordee’s Final Rankings
So which animals can humans beat based on the stoned logic of Dear Ganja Diary? Here is the honest ranking from most to least beatable:
- ✅ Rat — Obvious yes. Do not overthink it.
- ✅ House cat — Yes. Maybe a scratch. You win.
- ✅ Goose — Yes, but respect the goose. They’re ruffians.
- ⚠️ Medium dog — Probably. Use the self-defence technique.
- ⚠️ Large dog — Possible, but you’re getting hurt either way.
- ❌ Eagle — Maybe dodge the dive bomb but probably not.
- ❌ King cobra — You are not throwing something fast enough.
- ❌ Chimpanzee — Get him high and escape. That’s the best plan.
- ❌ Kangaroo — That tail ends you. 17% of men disagree and they’re wrong.
- ❌ Wolf, Crocodile, Gorilla, Elephant — Absolutely not.
- ❌❌ Lion, Grizzly Bear — You are not surviving this. Full stop.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is the YouGov man vs animal survey?
The YouGov man vs animal survey was published in May 2021 and polled approximately 1,224 adult men and women in the United States. They were asked which animals they believed they could beat in a fight, with no weapons. The results inspired Fordee’s Dear Ganja Diary Episode 002 and the man vs animal who would win stoned discussion that followed.
What is Dear Ganja Diary?
Dear Ganja Diary is a recurring Herbistry420 series where Fordee shares his stoned thoughts on interesting, funny, or weird topics he comes across while high. It’s cannabis culture commentary — relaxed, funny, and honest. Think of each episode as a stoned animal fight quiz or stoned reaction video.
Could a human actually beat a kangaroo?
In the YouGov man vs animal survey, 17% of men and 11% of women said they could take a kangaroo. Kangaroos are muscular, have powerful legs, and a meaty tail. Fordee thinks it’s possible because their arms are short and the hip sack is not intimidating. Most experts would disagree strongly. This is a man vs animal fight stoned thoughts exercise — please do not attempt in real life.
What percentage of people think they can beat a grizzly bear?
The grizzly bear had the fewest confident respondents on the entire YouGov man vs animal survey. A grizzly can stand 12 feet tall, weigh over 800 pounds, and has paws large enough to palm a human head. The answer is no. The answer has always been no. Fordee agrees: “Just because you saw The Revenant doesn’t mean you’ve been trained in bear tactics.”
References
- Lions and Tigers and Bears: Which Animals Could You Beat in a Fight? — YouGov
- Grizzly Bear — Wikipedia
- About Cannabis — Health Canada
Learn More on Herbistry420
Purchase Links
Support Herbistry420 by visiting our Cannabis Apparel Store, we have t-shirts, hoodies, pants, towels, you name it!
Note: Some links are affiliate links. Purchases through these links support the channel at no extra cost to you.
Add comment